


your light is being gradually obscured by my darkness

by i_was_human



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Gen, No beta we die like mne, POV Outsider, Suicide Attempt, he isn't even there but the ceo is still the fucking worst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26396047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: Just because it's obvious doesn't mean they're going to do something.They have their ways of self-rationalizing, they have their flimsy reasons and excuses.Of course, none of that matters when Jaewon's stepping off the roof.
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kang Dongho | D.Min & Kim Daehyun & Lee Minsoo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65





	your light is being gradually obscured by my darkness

It's unsurprising that Daehyun notices it first.

There's a slump to Jaewon's shoulders that shouldn't be there, a silence lingering around him where laughter once reigned. Daehyun's no fool - he knows this could just be a mood fluctuation, knows he doesn't know Jaewon well enough to pass judgement on anything, but he knows as well that it could be _more_.

And yet-

he doesn't say anything.

It's the same principle as not saying a thing when he overheard Minseok and Minyoung, the same principle as ignoring the time he overheard Minsoo crying in the company bathroom.

Same principle, just a different target.

~~Isn't it sad how it's been over ten years and he hasn't changed at all?~~

Really, looking back, it's stunning how stagnant he's been. Minsoo's firecracker anger has mellowed into something more applicable, and Dongho's utter lack of social graces when interacting with anyone under the age of forty have been somewhat mollified - hell, even Jaewon's grown out of his camera-shyness, so where's Daehyun?

Stagnant.

The same at twenty-four as he was at fourteen.

But if he were to dwell on his own stagnancy (the way he does late at night, dark thoughts creeping out of the woodwork and sinking claws of grief into his chest) then he'd never address the real problem.

Jaewon's quiet, withdrawn even by his standards. He's adopted a delinquency streak that has Minsoo ready to tear his hair out, and the worst part is that somehow he doesn't even seem to notice he's doing it.

Like he's just... checked out of reality.

It's a little concerning, honestly.

Still, Daehyun holds his tongue, because when has he known how to do anything else?

* * *

In all honesty, Minsoo was a slapped-together mix of bad decisions from the word _go_.

Still, one thing he prides himself on (and shouldn't) is his ability to notice what's happening with his group-mates. He's generally pretty attuned to people's emotions (knowing Dongho for extended periods of time all but requires that) so that makes the fact that he missed what was happening to Jaewon for _months_ all the more embarrassing. 

And yet, looking back, it's blatant.

Lethargy, exhaustion, disassociation - Minsoo's picked up enough over the years to know they're symptoms of depression.

And yet Jaewon seems so _happy_. Whenever he's with them, he seems happy to be there, he seems happy with the fans - the only time he doesn't seem happy is when he's alone.

See, Minsoo's no stranger to stress and, by proxy, stress tears. He's cried many a time in the company bathrooms (including one embarrassing incident where Dongho sat with him for thirty minutes and supplied an endless stream of tissues) and now that they're in the dorms, he can tell when the others are hitting that point.

Jaewon hit it and passed it.

Somewhere along the line, without Minsoo noticing, Jaewon started to carry the world on his stick-thin shoulders, and it's _crushing him_.

But-

Minsoo doesn't know what he can do.

Jaewon brought this upon himself, didn't he? Scandals, bad P.R. - he deserves what he's getting.

Right?

~~Nobody deserves this. He just wants to believe he does.~~

So Minsoo ignores it. 

He ignores it and loses himself in tedium, loses himself in games, loses himself in anything that means he doesn't have to see the shattered hope in Jaewon's eyes.

* * *

Dongho knows that anything he can do at this point will just be too little too late.

Jaewon's distancing himself, dark eyes dull and red hair as limp as his smile, and Dongho knows that if he _does_ try anything, it won't go over well.

God knows Minsoo's taught him that much.

Still - Jaewon's careening towards _something_ bad at Mach 20, he knows. Soulless eyes and plastic smiles - the likes of which Dongho knows well, raised in a world where someone will serve you arsenic with a blinding grin - that make his skin crawl on the worst of days, the days where Jaewon looks like he's trying to tape himself together and failing miserably.

Never let it be said Dongho isn't perceptive. He's _incredibly_ perceptive.

He just. Doesn't know how to respond to said perceptions, some of the time.

Chalk it up to all of his childhood friends being paper.

That's the thing, though. This scenario requires a careful handling instead of the bull-in-a-china-shop approach Dongho normally takes to dealing with his dongsaengs (cutting words, harsh glares, break down the walls until you find the center of the maze) and he is entirely unfit to deal with it.

Plus, it's Jaewon.

That shouldn't make a difference, and yet-

and yet.

He knows Minsoo - knows him better than he knows anyone else on this earth, parents included - and he knows Daehyun, knows him in the sense that he's seen him upset once or twice and knows what makes him tick.

He doesn't know anything about Jaewon.

If someone had told him the dark-haired boy he and Minsoo found on the streets would turn out to be a womanizer, he wouldn't have believed them.

Still-

fame changes people, he supposes.

~~It's not like that's something he'd know far too well.~~

So in the end, he says nothing.

Better to wait and see.

* * *

On the worst nights, Jaewon comes up to the roof to think.

He found a loose key a few months back, and after trying it on a few locked doors (he's still a little bit upset it wasn't a key to the dance studios) he found that it opens a door to the roof.

Wild.

Or, well-

No. Bad joke.

The nights he comes up to the roof are the nights where his brain won't _shut the fuck up_ , won't leave him alone no matter where he is or who he's with, and being in the dorms would just make that worse.

And _god_ , he's so lonely.

It gnaws at him - the feeling that nobody would miss him if he was gone, the feeling that nobody _cares_ \- and even the rebuttal "Mom loves me" falls short in the face of his actions (lack thereof, but nobody cares about that part) nowadays.

He comes up to the roof to let his brain scream.

He takes a seat at the edge, legs swinging through the open air, and he shuts his eyes, tipping his head back as the breeze tugs at his hair.

It's lonely up here, but it's lonely everywhere.

If he looked down, he'd see someone sprint into the building, a phone pressed to their ear and ratty sneakers pounding against pavement.

But he doesn't.

Instead, he stands, staring out at the distant city. 

They wouldn't miss him, right?

It would be publicity, right?

It might... it might even make them better. Free from dead weight.

He stares out at the city for a moment more, mind warring with his gut instinct to _survive_ , and eventually, he shoves it down.

Call it spur-of-the-moment. Call it ill-planned.

But as Jaewon steps off the roof, he chooses to think there was no way he could've predicted what happened next.

_"Jaewon!"_

* * *

Daehyun dives across the roof, grabbing his hyung's wrist with both hands and trying to dig his feet into the roof. Jaewon stares up at him, eyes wide, and Daehyun only grips tighter, tears welling up in his eyes.

"What- what were you thinking?" he gasps, hot liquid spilling down his cheeks. "How... how could you...?"

"Dae..."

"How could you just... just leave us like that?"

Daehyun sniffs, still clutching onto Jaewon's sleeve for dear life. "How... how could you, hyung?"

"I..."

Jaewon blinks, tears dripping off his cheeks and falling the ten stories to the ground. "You came...?"

"Of course!" Daehyun gasps, lips curling into what he hopes is a grin. "I'll always... always come for you..."

His legs slide forwards on the roof, and he screws his eyes shut, leaning back as far as he can. "Always...!"

"Dae..."

"And I... I don't care if I fall! Because I'm not going to let you die, hyung!"

"Let go," Jaewon begs, and Daehyun shakes his head, gritting his teeth as he tries to haul Jaewon back onto the roof.

"Never... never gonna happen! Not if I... not if I can save you!"

A second pair of hands clasps Jaewon's wrist, and Daehyun blinks, turning to meet Minsoo's dark gaze. 

"We got you!" the leader shouts, and Jaewon stares at them, tears spilling from his eyes.

"You guys..."

"Give me your other hand," Dongho states, bending down on the other side, and Jaewon reaches up, gripping Dongho's wrist for dear life. "Alright. Pull on three. One, two, three!"

Daehyun falls back, Jaewon landing on top of him, and before Jaewon can so much as say a word, Daehyun wraps him in a hug, tears streaming down his cheeks as he clings to the redhead for dear life.

"You... you idiot! How... how could you? How..."

He squeezes Jaewon even tighter, burying his nose in the redhead's hair, and Jaewon blinks upon feeling tears drip onto his scalp.

"Dae-"

"You can't," and Daehyun's fully sobbing now, nails digging into Jaewon's jacket as if that'll erase what happened, "you can't _leave_ , you _can't_ -"

Jaewon sniffs, rubs his eyes, and then he's sobbing as well, pressing his face into Daehyun's chest. 

"I-"

Minsoo leans in, wrapping his arms around Daehyun and Jaewon, and Dongho joins as well, albeit slower.

Then it's the four of them, tangled up in each other on the roof in the middle of fall, and Jaewon wails, shoulders shaking as he presses his face into Daehyun's chest.

"I'm sorry," Jaewon breathes, and Minsoo shakes his head.

"You don't- you have nothing to apologize for."

Dongho hums agreement, and Daehyun loosens his grip - enough that he's not squeezing Jaewon like a ragdoll, but still holding him tight.

"Don't... don't do that again. Please."

"Why... why do you..."

Jaewon trails off, but Daehyun knows what he means nonetheless.

"We're _friends_ ," he breathes, pulling back to grip Jaewon's hands as tightly as he can. "We're- of _course_ we're friends, Jaewon-hyung. And we'd miss you, so, so much, and I know we've been bad friends, but I just- _please_ , Jaewon-hyung. Promise me."

Jaewon stares at him, eyes wide and shocked and _painfully_ shiny, and Daehyun digs his nails into his jeans to keep from saying anything.

"...I promise."

And somehow, Daehyun can believe it.

Maybe it's the trusting part in him, maybe it's the fact that Jaewon looks so genuine, or maybe it's the fact that Dongho's going to be watching him like a hawk.

Still-

Daehyun believes him.

The youngest stands, brushing off his jeans before bending down to offer Jaewon a hand. "Wanna go home?"

Jaewon stares at him, then at his hand, and slowly, so slowly, takes it.

**Author's Note:**

>  **depression is not fixed by friends please go to therapy**  
>    
> also fun fact jaewon is actually the character in canon i think would be the least likely to get depressed, simply bc i just can't see that happening
> 
> but i missed my jaewon angst quota for last month and thus this was born
> 
> fic title from afraid by day6
> 
> [twit](https://twitter.com/i_was_human_) | [lit fic discord!](https://discord.gg/CNunB74)


End file.
